Good to be home

Well, the parental units have returned home from their long weekend away. I’m not so much happy to see dad as I am mom. My mom, I must say, is the most wonderful creature on the face of the Earth (I’m second most wonderful, of course). While I did not mind the stay at the luxurious cat resort, there’s nothing quite like being home. And of course having mom’s love and attention. I hear her constantly telling the idiot (my canine brother, not dad) how much she loves him and how cute he is, but I know she tells him this constantly because he needs the extra special attention. He’s a dog, and unfortunately his sense of self worth is based solely on the praise and reassurance from humans. I don’t get it. But, whatever.

So it’s back to business as usual here at the homestead as my mission continues. I returned to see that the Scumbag neighbors have decided to do only a partial fence replacement. If the entire fence is a rotting piece of crap, would you not replace the entire thing and not just half? ~ sigh ~ It has also been noticed that none of the junk that has lied dormant in their yard has been removed, but I’m relieved to report that there is no new junk added to the lot. I believe I may have advised that Rufus last reported that all has been relatively quiet over there recently, and while he was especially vigilant in his watch while we were all away, Rufus reports that the dirtbag son has STILL not been seen at the house. This makes us all wonder. However, just last night, we all had the pleasure of overhearing a screaming match at the house. The screaming typically only occurs when the son is present. But we could not make out any actual words, nor could we identify the participants so we remain clueless as to the subject of the fight or what provoked it. At least it did not escalate to the point of police involvement.

Lenny and Squiggy have used up the last of the scumbag’s lost and forgotten ganja stash. I have placed a call to Dr. Drew Pinsky as I believe a stint in rehab would be for the best. They've been trying to score some new stuff for a couple of days now, but not many dealers sell to cats. It’s probably because dealers do not see any value in dead mice in exchange for their drugs. Mice just do not have sufficient street value in the human world, and I’ve tried explaining this to Lenny & Squiggy when they came to me all strung out and twitchy, but they just couldn’t grasp the concept of the currency in the form of paper. Anyway, Dr. Drew may have his hands full with his second season of Celebrity Rehab, especially seeing as he’s got Kennikie back for a SECOND time… man, what a train wreck he is… but I feel as though Dr. Drew will be particularly attentive to the specific circumstances of Feline Drug Withdrawal and the most knowledgeable in effective methods of attaining and maintaining abstinence.