The Dirtbag Son Returns

I don’t know where he has been and I don’t know why he came back, but I sure as hell hope he isn’t staying. Rufus advised that the son has been seen in the white trash Sanford & Son (not red, but green) pick-up truck, the bed filled haphazardly with filthy old furniture, and a female passenger sitting up front. I’ve been told that this female passenger accompanying the dirtbag son does not look or behave like a typical dirtbag girlfriend, so we’ll have to pay close attention to this. I could not live with myself if I stood by and watched a nice girl get sucked down into the toilet with the likes of these people. Now if Parker was better behaved and if he could put his socialization issues aside for the good of the mission, I could send him over to the scumbag house to befriend the three resident dogs and he would be my mole. His job would be to infiltrate the group, act like and be accepted as one of them without causing suspicion. I’m going to give this some more thought… the idea is a good one and it might just work. After all, the squirrel can only get so close and he always stands the risk of being eaten by one of the dogs or being pelted out of a tree with rocks by an evil child. Parker may not be the right canine for the job, which means I’ll have to find another.

On a happier note, Lenny & Squiggy got off safely for the rehab in CA with Dr. Drew Pinsky. I did make two requests of the airline, that they were NOT to seat them anywhere near the rear of the plane where they may inhale the fumes from the fuel, and they were not to be served alcohol no matter what cute faces and soft purring noises they made. It would not be good for them to show up at the rehab high from vapor inhalation or drunk from airline booze. I should add that one cute little airline booze bottle may do nothing for a human’s consumption, but for a cat it’s like a full liter bottle! However, Dr. Drew called me not long ago to advise me that they arrived safely and not inebriated from any substances. In fact, they were so exhausted, that they did not protest the routine bag search at check-in and then went straight to their rooms to sleep. I’m told that once they clear detox, they will be allowed limited phone contact with family. Seeing as they are both strays, I somehow became assigned their guardian and am listed as their only kin. How did this fall upon me? I’m old. All I want is to spend these golden years lying in the sun, watching the birds, eating treats to excess and enjoying every moment of quiet time with mom. How did I become the master coordinator and general in charge of “Mission Find Out What’s Going On Next Door” and how did I become guardian to two juvenile delinquents? ~ sigh ~ Fucking bastard neighbors. God damn stupid kids.