Strange things are afoot....

Well, well, well…. Something very interesting is happening next door. The house on the corner, AKA The Sanford & Son house, which serves as home to the “people” my mother so delicately refers to as the “scumbag white trash next door”, is undergoing some exterior redecorating and clean-up. Now, my room happens to be on the other side of the house so I am unable to actually see what is going on over there. So I have recruited some informants. Even though Parker is on that side of the house, I can’t really rely on him to give me accurate reports seeing as he’s too obsessed with watching Lily and licking his privates. There are two outdoor neighborhood cats and a mentally-challenged squirrel who have agreed to observe, gather information and report back to me. The squirrel’s reports are basically confused & incoherent, rendering the information useless, but I admire his enthusiasm and effort – he gives it everything he’s got in every endeavor. The kid’s got heart. And, I just like him. I’ve also made the other two neighborhood cats in charge of his well-being. They know that should any harm come to the little guy, I will hold them personally responsible and sic Parker on their sorry asses.

So, it seems as though some unknown force has compelled these people to take down their makeshift “garage” – a dirt and lichen encrusted tarp stretched over a metal frame, which they’ve used to store two automobile skeletons and various greasy and rusty engine innards, tires, random & mismatched car pieces, tools, cigarette butts, beer cans and in all likelihood a stash of ganja and other illegal substances. The dirtbag son has not been seen or heard from in a month. It is suspected that he is in jail, as he is too much of a freeloading delinquent to get a place of his own. Of course, it is possible he may have shacked up with a junkie dirtball friend of his, but the prison scenario is a lot more probable. They have also repositioned the trampoline further into the yard, closer to the shack they call a house. I am hoping this was done to accommodate the removal of some of the wreckage they’ve been storing in their backyard... by moving the trampoline, they can now squeeze a dump truck in between it and the giant petri dish they call an-above-ground pool. I cannot describe to you what this yard looks like and the crap that is contained therein. You’ll have to take my word for it. Several new prefabricated fencing slabs have been spotted strewn on their front lawn. A logical assumption would be that they are intending to replace the rotting fence presently enclosing their junkyard. If the slabs lie there too long, they too will become as rotted as the fence already in place. ~ sigh ~

So, I have made two assumptions based on these recent events… (1) complaints about this property by surrounding neighbors have finally been taken seriously by the town who has now instructed the owners of this property to immediately bring their property up to acceptable standards, or (2) they have decided to move either due to free will or life events, and this sudden urge to fix things up is a desperate attempt to attract a buyer. I’ll keep you all posted. Here come my informants now with more information….